all i know is that a year ago today the world lost one of the best people ever put on it...Elisa Suarez i miss you and its not fair that youdon't get to be here with us today...

to only be able to go back

it has been almost a year (51 weeks since that horrible night... thonight reminded me of that treachorous night. ~ i was at home, not returning to Seguin till the morning, it was the day after the TLU Invitational (now the Elisa Suarez Memorial Invitational) I went to Walmart with my best friend, came home to the news, Elisa had died. I didn't believe it, so I checked my messages. It was true, my broken phone was full of messages of people trying to find me. Coach was the only one to think to call my house... ~~ it feels as though it was yesterday, not a year ago... I was doing good, I hadn't seen her face in a long time, I didn't let myself, but lately I see her everywhere. NO ONE should die so young, NO ONE!! The friday before, I saw her on the way to class, wished her luck gave her a hug... for months afterward I dreamed that it had been a dream, that I saw her in the weightroom, or on campus walking across the library lawn... I dont know what it is right now, but I can be happy as can be then I see her, I think of her or am reminded of something she did. The world is still sad for losing such a wonderful person, a wonderful friend. The 4th of this month would have been her 21st birthday... We all take for granted how great we ahve it, that day is something we all looked forward to and enjoyed, not only Elisa didn't reach it but Buck did too... I am so glad that last year is over, but Its not over, it is in my head and wont go away... I know time heals all wounds so it'll get better, adn I know it did, but I dont want it better, i want it back to the 30th of August of 2004... and the whole future to change, Buck to feel loved and happy, Elisa to not be running on that STUPID road, the man not driving his truck, cancer not taking Joanie from me, and my scrappy would live forever... I'm a big sap tonight, even though it was such a good weekend. goodnight

good weekend

Today is Sunday, I didn't get nearly enough stuff done this weekend, however it was an awesome weekend... First Chris Cagle -- moment of silent internal AAHHOOOHEHE :-D -- ok i'm better, the concert was AWESOME!!!! the best I've ever been to... the energy in cowboys was great!!! then Saturday i was pleasanly suprised by Javier and we went to the shooting range, Suki and Nik went w/us and we had a blast... then saturday night Javi and I went to a beautiful wedding (the boquet was right at me, too bad I ducked over and dodged that thing like a bullet... not catchin me yet :)) then today I got lots of stuff done before I had softball practice... and it happened - LOVE coaching softball!!! mygirls are great! I found a catcher :) i think teaching catching is more fun than doing it :) (plus you get to throw down to "demonstrate") lol Then I get home, the Astros WIN!!!! so feelin good, i stop by to give Javier his glasses then off to home, work for a bit, takl to suz for a while :) then turn tv on to go to bed and Pretty Woman is on :) yep yep great weekend.

this week hopefully goes by fast cuz Lone Star is at cowboys, then my coaching debut at a tournament in San Marcos... hopefully get to see some of my TLU girls :) lol but for now I'm going to sleep, have a great night and I love you all.

Sunny days seem to hurt the mostWear the pain like a heavy coatI feel you everywhere I goSee your smile, I see your faceI hear you laughing in the rainStill can't believe your goneIt ain't fair you died to youngLike a story that had just begunBut death tore the pages all awayGod knows how I miss youAll the hell that I've been throughJust knowing, no one could take your placeSometimes I wonder, who you'd be todayWould you see the worldWould you chase your dreamsSettle down with a familyI wonder what would you name your babiesSomeday's the sky's so blueI feel like I can talk to youAnd I know it might sound crazySunny days seem to hurt the mostI wear the pain like a heavy coatThe only thing that gives me hopeIs I know, I'll see you again somedaySomeday, someday-i miss you Elisa so much, just hard to grasp that a year ago this week, you were runnign your last cross country meet, its hard to believe that a year ago you were spending your last week on Earth, its hard to believe that in just over a week from now will be a year since this world lost you... you are in my heart forever, and you dont know how much we miss u here :'(

Growing Up

Got this from a friend's profile, thought it was good...

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt becaus every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

I am in a great mood, working a lot... by working i mean grading papers and preparing lessons... ok so its awesome!!!! can't even pretend I don't Love it so :-D

gotta finish before tonight :)