to only be able to go back

it has been almost a year (51 weeks since that horrible night... thonight reminded me of that treachorous night. ~ i was at home, not returning to Seguin till the morning, it was the day after the TLU Invitational (now the Elisa Suarez Memorial Invitational) I went to Walmart with my best friend, came home to the news, Elisa had died. I didn't believe it, so I checked my messages. It was true, my broken phone was full of messages of people trying to find me. Coach was the only one to think to call my house... ~~ it feels as though it was yesterday, not a year ago... I was doing good, I hadn't seen her face in a long time, I didn't let myself, but lately I see her everywhere. NO ONE should die so young, NO ONE!! The friday before, I saw her on the way to class, wished her luck gave her a hug... for months afterward I dreamed that it had been a dream, that I saw her in the weightroom, or on campus walking across the library lawn... I dont know what it is right now, but I can be happy as can be then I see her, I think of her or am reminded of something she did. The world is still sad for losing such a wonderful person, a wonderful friend. The 4th of this month would have been her 21st birthday... We all take for granted how great we ahve it, that day is something we all looked forward to and enjoyed, not only Elisa didn't reach it but Buck did too... I am so glad that last year is over, but Its not over, it is in my head and wont go away... I know time heals all wounds so it'll get better, adn I know it did, but I dont want it better, i want it back to the 30th of August of 2004... and the whole future to change, Buck to feel loved and happy, Elisa to not be running on that STUPID road, the man not driving his truck, cancer not taking Joanie from me, and my scrappy would live forever... I'm a big sap tonight, even though it was such a good weekend. goodnight